i give my boarding pass to the agent and walk down the jetway and into the plane. the flight is full and it is with great effort that i finally reach my seat. a middle seat. oh well, i don’t care. just as long as we’re finally leaving. i put my backpack under the seat in front of me and put on my headphones. finally leaving. i close my eyes and listen to marty sammon’s new recording. it’s sounding great and i’m feeling a little less irritated when i feel a tapping on my arm. i look up and one of the sky waitresses is saying something to me. i take my headphones off.
‘the captain has requested that you be removed from this flight.’ she snoots.
‘um. why? i’m not doing anything. i haven’t said a word to anyone since i got on the plane.’
‘well it’s up to the captain’s discretion and he has requested-‘
‘yeah, yeah. i got it.’ and start getting up. people are staring and this is not an argument i’m going to come out on the good side of, i know. so i keep my mouth shut and walk down the aisle and off the plane. when i get to the gate there are two cops standing there. one of them says to me,
‘is there going to be a problem?’
‘no problem. i’m leaving.’
and for the fourth time that day i take the long walk between the terminal and the airtrain. i think back to how the day started and wonder how it came to this. it’s all a big blur anyway. the first woman with the crazy ribbon hair who wouldn’t print me a boarding pass when the kiosks wouldn’t work. i was too late. the flight was closed. ‘bullshit,’ was what i said. the first bar and watching the u.s. open and taking it easy. missing the next flight because i didn’t want to pay the $100 it would’ve taken to guarantee my seat and there were no standby seats available. ’this is bullshit,’ was what i said. leaving the airport and going to a bar called the rail at the end of the airtrain, where the howard beach subway stop is. the four hours talking to locals and yelling at the t.v. going back to the airport and almost missing the next flight because the securtiy line was insane this time. only to find out that the flight was an hour late. ’this is fucking bullshit,’ was what i said that time when i got to the gate. and then i remembered that guy in the uniform standing behind the gate agent. i was telling her my sob story starting with the kiosks not working and how the line was too long and this fat woman with the gift wrapped head wouldn’t expedite my boarding pass and this guy behind her chimes in,
‘that’s why we recommend you arrive an hour prior to departure.’
well this was the tenth time i’d heard this today so i said in a mocking na-na voice,
‘that’s why we recommend you arrive an hour prior to departure.’
and then in my own voice,
‘thanks, pal.’
and i walked away.
yeah. that guy was probably the captain. and it’s a long way home.
Posted on Friday, 19 June 2009
